Ey? Aye!

I don’t speak to my Mum as much as I used to.

There’s nothing wrong. She hasn’t done anything – well, not worthy of cutting all ties of communication.

No, truth is – someone else talks to her on my behalf – and not just A.

As the latest text comes in – usually a repeat of something we talked about no more than five minutes ago – I simply scroll through the options Android Pie offers up. Picking the most appropriate one the Artificial Intelligence which has scanned the text, provides.

Often it is a simple “Okay” (I need to be careful I don’t give the game away as I use OK) or “Thanks, no problem”. These usually suffice.

Sometimes it reads a text and assumes there is a problem. Picking up on a negative tone when there shouldn’t be one. AI is so easily confused by a parent. Then you have to make sure you don’t open yourself up to another text, or worse still, a call back.

I am hoping that the next version of Android – Stew With A Lid – won’t even bother to let me know the text has come in. It will simply scan to see who the sender is. Then it will find the appropriate response and send without any involvement from me. One day it might send some flowers or raise an order with the “corner shop”. Knowing what to do if it thinks there is any risk we might be receiving a visitor later that day.

I do reads the texts. No, I do. It’s just nice to have a helping hand to stop me from sending something unnecessarily blunt or sarcastic, or – and this is where I really get in trouble – simply no answering the text.

So thank you, AI, for proving that if the robots do rise up and take over, their first act is to be the son my text-sending-mother always wanted.

Chris Written by:

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